shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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