I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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