Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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