Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
