Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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