I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
