I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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