Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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