i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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