My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
