I heard we made out
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
