It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
