There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
