i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
