There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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