We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
