I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
