those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
