If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
