so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
