I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
