I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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