Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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