Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
