Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
