People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
