the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
