i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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