Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
