went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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