I wish I could punch you in the face.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
