her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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