I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
