Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Having a random hookup so left but love u
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am available for nakedness
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