Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
