thus making me awesome and them whores
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
