if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
