I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
