After last night, I could never be a politician.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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