I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
