They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
