I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
