One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
