some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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