My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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