Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
