will power is for people who don't want to get laid
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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