I think my vagina is haunted
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
