I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
