We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
