Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
