2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
