IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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