I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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