Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
