so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
